Symptom Stories: Social Anxiety - A Fear of Being Judged

One blessing of lockdown would have been that Susan had a legitimate reason to avoid socialising. If she was honest,  deep down it felt good that she would not have to come up with excuses to avoid the next social event.

Even knowing that she wasn’t going have to make small-talk during the lunch break at work, would allow her to relax a little bit.

Her social anxiety was not a new thing. For as long as she could remember she felt uncomfortable meeting new people or being part of a group.

‘I feel like a fish out of water” she told me. “I feel awkward and if I do try and join in I worry that I will forget what I’m trying to say or stutter over my words.” 

Like many people who suffer from social anxiety, it had taken her a long time book her appointment. She had kept a bookmark for my website in her phone for at least six months before she had found the courage to message me for an initial consultation.

“I was glad that I could email you. I think if I could only book the appointment by telephone, I would have left it longer and maybe not even made the call.” 

Often the first step of booking an appointment is the biggest step for anyone interested in therapy, but for people suffering from social anxiety, it is an even larger hurdle.

Social anxiety (sometimes called social phobia) is best described as a fear of being judged. The person feels self-conscious and unable to shake off the idea that others are making an assessment of them. Like all anxieties, it is irrational so the thoughts are irrational too. The person’s low-self-esteem is projected onto the situation and they think:

“Why would they be interested in what I have to say?”

“I’m not as good as them. They are smarter and more confident than I am.”

Sometimes psychologists call this a negative attributional style. This means that a person has a tendency to attribute the events in their life in a negative way. They see themselves and the events they encounter with a negative perspective and of course, this leads to an EXPECTATION that negative things are the norm.


The person with social anxiety will scan the facial expressions, turn over what was said, analyse the tone people used and over-think what it all means. Because they have a negative attributional style, their interpretation is negative and run the risk of attributing that negativity to themselves.


Susan described how she would spend ages sending a text message, worried that the recipient would get the wrong impression. Even then she would find herself thinking about and checking what she had sent. When she didn’t get a reply quickly, her tendency was to assume that she had upset the other person and they were annoyed with her. When they did reply and she knew they were not upset, she would interpret it as: “well they were just being nice… I bet they really are upset with me.”


The unfortunate consequence for many people suffering from social anxiety, is they stop being invited to social events. While on the one hand that may be a relief for them, the result is that their friendship group gets smaller. The loneliness and social isolation make the problem worse:

‘They don’t want me to go out with them because they think I’m not good enough.' 

Susan’s boyfriend was very supportive, and she described him as her rock. When she first met him going out on a date had been tricky. Three times she had cancelled before she had the courage to explain. They had persevered and although difficult at times, he now understood how self-conscious she felt.

Like all anxieties, the more Susan tried to battle against it, the more difficult it became, and the more it took over her life. 

How could we help Susan?

Firstly, we have to acknowledge that there must be something that is making Susan anxious. I know that sounds like stating the obvious, after all, we might say: “she knows what is making her anxious: social situations.” What I mean is, there has to be a reason why she is suffering from this anxiety when we could find many people who do not.

There has to be a psychological reason for the anxiety, and because she does not know consciously what the reason is, that suggests the cause is an unconscious one.

The cause of her anxiety is inside her mind, but outside of her control.

What has led Susan to develop this particular anxiety? Where did it come from? 

Hypnoanalysis is a type of analytical therapy which works on the principle of cause and effect. For every symptom (social anxiety in this case) there has to be an underlying cause of the anxiety.

Rather than managing anxiety with strategies, the therapy works to resolve the underlying reasons for the problem and by doing so relieve the problem for good.

Susan would work through the accumulated emotional experiences from her childhood and adolescence, reprocessing, and understanding them with adult eyes. She would be able to release the pent-up emotions that created her anxieties and understand where the problem first came from. In that understand she becomes free from the inhibition created by her anxiety.

The changes were clear when a few weeks after her therapy she found herself shopping for a new outfit for the office night-out. “I didn’t even think about it,” she said, “not until afterwards. I had a grin from ear to ear!”

Find out more about Hypnoanalysis at www.ketteringhypnotherapy.com where you can contact David to book a free initial consultation.


NB: For confidentiality reasons, Susan is a fictional case but based on the real experiences of clients treated for their social anxiety.