Who's Fault is it Anyway? Dealing with Shame and Guilt with Hypnotherapy
Guilt and shame are two of the most toxic emotions we experience. They have great power over us and can be substituted into other destructive behaviours. Certainly, in therapy, guilt and shame are the most common emotions that clients grapple with, but why are they so toxic?
Guilt and shame are abstract emotions. They are a composite of a number of feelings. Guilt is made up of a sense of undermining our responsibility, status and the expectations we have for ourselves as well as those placed upon us by others. At the same time, embarrassment, feeling belittled, shy or lacking confidence are all parts of shame.
Guilt and shame lead us to question how we see ourselves and how others might think of us, and with that, a feeling of being judged is added.
The complex make-up of guilt and shame mean we find it difficult to process it in the same way as other emotions. For example, I can feel happy for you, or sad for you. I can feel excited or disappointed with you. I can share those emotions because they are about both of us. However, I can't feel guilty for you. I can’t share my guilt or shame because it’s about me.
Even if the emotions are related to you, that is still my emotion and I find it difficult to reduce the unpleasant way it makes me feel by projecting (sharing) onto you, so all I can do is hold on to it. I can bottle it up or turn it into something else... anxiety symptoms.
Putting up a Defence
We use defence mechanisms to help us manage the escapable guilt and shame. We might push it out of our thoughts and deny that it even exists, or deny the effect it is having on me (“It’s okay, I’m fine”). We might make a half-hearted attempt to project it outwards by blaming someone else. Placing guilty feelings onto someone else through blame may make sense to the individual, but those around will be confused (“Why are they blaming her?”).
Anxiety symptoms: Sublimated Unresolved Emotions
Managing guilt and shame is often accomplished by turning it into something else, most commonly anger. When you come across someone who is always angry about everything, take a closer look and you may find that it comes from a feeling of not quite matching up.
The feeling of inadequacy is often in their own mind, but they feel they are not as good as the next person, and this embarrasses them. Watch the child who feels embarrassed at being caught cheating at the game and you will see how they kick out at the world; as if they are kicking out at the feelings of shame and guilt within themselves.
Childhood Guilt and Shame
The most potent guilt and shame originate in our early years. It is more potent because of the lack of reasoning that comes from experience. What we felt guilty or shameful about as a child may be of little consequence to us as an adult, however, the greater the bottled up guilt and shame we had as a child, the greater the impact of adult guilt and shame.
As an adult, we interpret our experiences and current guilt through the lens of the past. To resolve the problem, the guilt of the past has to be faced and seen for what it is: childlike and misinterpreted. Once we have achieved that, we are in a better position to deal with the challenging emotions that life throws at us.
Reprocess and Restart How you feel in Life
Hypnoanalysis is an analytical form of Hypnotherapy, which rather than treating and managing the shameful and guilty feelings, aims to resolve the unconscious cause of the problem.
By working through what led a person to develop guilt, they are able to make sense of where it came from and as a result free themselves from the baggage they have been carrying around. Those feelings from the past can be thought through, process and understood in a way that they were unable to as a child.
Many people often report that there has been a positive change in other aspects of their behaviour, not just being free of guilt. Behaviours which they previously would never have thought of as part of the problem are also resolved.
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