Go On...Have a Negative Thought

There must be few things that are of as little use as the advice to ‘just think positive’; and this is coming from a therapist! It is the ‘just’ part of that advice that bothers me the most. If turning negativing thinking and attributions was a simple as just thinking positively, wouldn’t everyone do that?

The act of challenging negative thinking is a tough one because it requires an individual to reappraise how they believe things are. It means having to change our position in the mental argument in our minds. We have become fixed on that way of thinking and it has shaped our expectations. Giving up that which we have spent time mentally building and having to admit to ourselves that maybe there is a more useful way to think about things, is not easy. Take one look at a social media post about politics and you will get all the evidence you need to support just how difficult it is for people to consider a different point of view. 

Positivity is important when it grounds us in reality. Positivity has to be grounded in reality if it is to begin to change negative thinking. No amount of me thinking positively is going help someone run a marathon this afternoon, but using it to support a training programme is very likely to help them maintain confidence in their ability to complete their goal. 

In most ordinary cases the negative thinking comes out like a rant and is a good pressure valve for the stresses of the day. We let off steam and know that we are thinking about in an irrational way, but that’s okay in the short-term. 

A sign it has gone too far is when we fail in our attempts to adjust our thinking back to a more positive and rational tone. 

The person who is suffering from destructive and debilitating negative thoughts is even more unlikely to receive any benefit from the ‘cheer up’ advice. If it was that simple they would have done it already. Perhaps we should consider the negative thinking as a symptom, and seeking to resolve the causes rather than just focusing on the ‘thinking symptom’.

In all other day-to-day circumstances, when we think negatively it would be useful to ask ourselves three things: 

1 Is this a really useful way to think right now? It may be the perfect way to think about the situation in a different context, but right now?

2 Will I care about this by the weekend? It may seem hugely important now, but will it matter so much later?

3 Does the situation justify this level of negative emotion? Perhaps you are feeling negative about something else and this is just the pressure valve for that? 

It’s okay to have negative thoughts, life is no fairytale. They are your thoughts so, no matter how difficult, you can challenge and change them.